Legacy (RiffRaff Records Book 2) Read online

  “Yeah, I hear you. You’re right.”

  Chapter Six

  Beau

  I pulled my bike up in front of my house. I couldn’t help but smile. I hadn’t been home in two years, and even though the pain was simmering just under the surface, it was still good to be back. The house looked the same except there were different vehicles in the driveway. Both my parents loved fast cars. The front door opened and my mom raced down the smooth tiled stairs. Her dark hair was shorter than it had been when I’d seen her last. I climbed off my Triumph, removed my helmet, and let her hug me. “Hey, Mom.”

  She pushed me back so she could look at me, her bright blue eyes glassed over with happy tears. “I can’t believe you’re here, Beau. I can’t believe I get both my kids under the same roof at the same time.”

  I felt guilty about not coming home, and it was hard that they didn’t know why I’d left or why I’d stayed gone. But everything I did was to protect everyone I loved. I knew that Halen would never see it that way. I knew she probably hated me. And I could deal with that. I would deal with it. Because her happiness, her future was all that mattered to me. “I know. It’s good to be home.” I cleared my throat, swallowing the partial lie. “Is Landry back yet?”

  After I unhooked my small duffle bag, Mom looped her arm through mine and we walked side by side up the walkway then onto the porch. “Your dad and sister came in not five minutes before we heard you pull up.” She opened the front door and my older sister flew into my arms.

  “I haven’t seen you in months.” She pulled away and slapped my shoulder. “You are not allowed to avoid seeing me for that long ever again.”

  Landry and I met up a lot over the last couple of years. If I was somewhere cool and she had a break in her schedule, she’d come visit. But now that she’d chosen a specialty, she basically lived at the hospital. “I missed you too.”

  “Are both our kids in our home, at the same time? Or am I high?” We both turned when Dad sauntered up.

  I laughed. “Probably both, old man.” I hugged him, feeling like a little kid again. I had missed my family. I really had. “Something smells amazing. What’s for dinner?” I grew up having nonstop home-cooked meals. Between dinnertime at my house and family dinners with the rest of the Devil’s Share crew, I ate well. On the road? Not so much. Even when I stayed in one location for a few months, I ate out most nights.

  “That smell is the ribs I put on the grill this afternoon.” My dad took off in the direction of the back door. “Come have a beer with me before everyone else gets here.”

  “Everyone else?” I tried to keep my voice steady, my hands relaxed at my sides. I tried to keep my sudden anxiety hidden from my parents. “The whole family is joining us?”

  My mom laughed. “Are you kidding? Of course they are. You haven’t been home in two years. They are all dying to see you.”

  “We’re lucky they aren’t already here, beating down the door.” He gestured with his head. “Now come spend some time with me while you can.”

  One beer—we’d gotten to have one beer in peace before the rest of my family started showing up. It was good to see them, to see all of them. My cousins had grown so much. Crue looked like one of Chris Hemsworth’s kids, so I was guessing Cash did too. Jett had gotten so tall, so poised. Avory and Marley were gorgeous, and of course so was Emmie. Evie was coming home in the morning; she had a test she couldn’t miss that afternoon up in Dallas. Every time the door opened, I held my breath, waiting to see Halen’s face. I was equal parts terrified and excited. I had no misgivings, no expectations. Halen hated me, and she had every right to. She didn’t understand why I’d left, didn’t see that I’d done it for her. I knew that. I’d always known that.

  I leaned over to Crue. “Hey, man, where is your brother?”

  “He’s, uh, he’s over at the house with Hales.” Crue took a sip off the beer I’d snuck him in an old Devil’s Share Yeti tumbler. “They’ll be here soon.” Avory called for him and Crue stepped away.

  Cash hated me too, and I didn’t blame him either. Selfishly, I’d made him a part of my leaving. I’d sworn that I never wanted to bring my cousins into our lies. But I had.

  Over and over, especially when it came to Cash.

  ***

  “Why the hell did you wake me up before dawn for this? I’ve seen the sunrise from here. Why the four-wheeler outing? I’m not ten anymore, dude.”

  It was early and Cash was not buying my “cousin bonding” bullshit. I’d brought him out here for one reason, and one reason only. I needed someone to know what was going on, I needed someone to take care of my girl. “I’m leaving.”

  He turned, hands on his hips. “You’re leaving the compound?” When I didn’t answer, he said, “You’re leaving Halen.” There was no question in his voice anymore. Only anger and accusation. “You sorry son of a bitch.”

  I was a sorry son of a bitch. I was nothing. I’d hurt the one person in this world that I’d never wanted to hurt. I’d held her while she’d cried, I’d cried with her. I’d wanted our baby, I’d wanted to be its father so damn bad. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making both of them happy. But we’d lost the baby. And this was my chance to do right by Halen. She still had so much life to live, and being with me wasn’t doing her any good. I was holding her back. Her dad had seen it, and now I did too. “Halen is better off without me. I should have never kissed her, never touched her. What I did was wrong and I broke her.”

  He scoffed. “You broke her? No, losing your baby broke her. She’s mourning, man. She’ll be okay. She’ll smile again. She’ll—”

  “It’s more than that, Cash. Yeah, it’s the baby, and it’s the loss, but it’s everything else too. The lying to our parents, the nights spent sneaking around. She doesn’t go out, she doesn’t spend time with friends. I’m her whole world. And I don’t deserve to be. She needs more out of life.”

  “Says you.”

  I had lain awake every night for the last week thinking of nothing but Halen. As much as I didn’t want to leave her or my home, I didn’t see another choice. If I stayed, we’d be together and she’d have no life. I knew that with everything inside me. She was like a magnet linked to my soul. She had been since the first moment I’d seen her. In order to set her free, I needed to go. I took a deep breath. “You can’t change my mind on this.”

  “Then why the fuck did you bring me out here?”

  “You two are close, I need you to look out for her. Make sure she laughs. Make sure she lives. Make sure she moves on. Don’t let her cry for me. I’m not worth it.” And I wasn’t. Because of what I did to her, she was depressed. She was sad and crying all the time. Landry assured me that Halen’s reaction was normal, expected. But no one knew her like I did. She wasn’t okay. I’d ruined her life. I’d broken her.

  “Fuck you for this, man.” Cash shook his head, his jaw clenched tight. “Don’t come back. Don’t call, don’t write, don’t text. If you’re leaving her? Then fucking leave. No back and forth, no toying with her emotions.”

  His tone was harsh but I could see the emotion in his eyes. I was disappointing him. I was letting him down too. I was the oldest boy, the one they looked up to. And I was breaking his heart just like I had broken hers. I kicked at a rock on the ground. “I’m not coming back, Cash.”

  “You…suck. You just fucking suck, man.”

  I nodded. “You’re right.” I climbed on my four-wheeler. “Just take care of her for me.”

  ***

  And it seemed like Cash had kept his promise, even now, two years later. Still by her side when she needed him.

  Landry came and hooked her arm up and around my neck, bringing me back to the here and now. “How does it feel to be home, baby brother?” Landry had never made me feel like anything other than her blood, her family. From the second my dad had brought me home, she was my sister and that was the end of that. Adopted meant nothing in our home. Family was family.

  I met her playful gaz
e. “Gut wrenching.” I watched with regret as her eyes filled with tears. I hadn’t meant to bring her down, but she was one of the few people I could be honest with. And walking around, drinking a cold beer like this wasn’t the town my soul had died in was hard as fuck.

  “Beau.” Her voice was soft.

  I took a pull off the bottle. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll be fine.” I smiled. “Nothing a case of beer can’t cure, right?” I held my drink out, and she tapped her glass of wine against it.

  “Cheers?”

  I shrugged. “Not really much else I can do, is there?”

  “Not real—”

  The back door opened and everything else around me faded away. I could no longer hear my sister talking, or my uncles laughing. The only person that mattered was walking back into my life. I stopped breathing. Yet another moment in time when Halen took my breath away. She was so fucking beautiful. Her hair was long, shiny. She was thin, but curvy where it counted. Her face was free of makeup, except her lips, which were a glossy pink. I couldn’t help but stare, remembering what it felt like to kiss them. She searched the patio; she was looking for me. And I knew the second she found me because the light in her stunning green eyes dimmed.

  Cash came outside behind her and put a glass of wine in her hand before steering her toward Landry. I watched as they hugged; they’d always been like sisters. Cash said something that made them both laugh and I couldn’t help but smile. I loved Halen’s laugh, and fuck, I had missed that sound. She looked up at me again then she searched the rest of the patio, probably to check who was watching as she made her way over to where I was standing. She had to come tell me hi; she had to act like she missed me. We were inseparable at one point, and our parents wouldn’t understand why she wouldn’t be near me. I took a deep breath and plastered an even bigger grin on my face. “Hales.”

  Her smile was tight, forced. “Beau, hey, it’s so good to see you.” She stepped into my embrace, her body stiff against mine. I closed my eyes and inhaled her sweet scent as all at once memories that were never far from the surface rushed in, and I recalled the times her body melted into mine instead.

  “You too, Sweets. It’s been a long time.” She pulled away at my use of her nickname, just like I knew she would. But it couldn’t be helped. Nicknames were big in our family, and not using it would throw some red flags. My aunts would notice, because the spotlight would be on me tonight.

  “Yeah, it has.” She took a big sip of her wine, and relaxed when Cash came and put his arm playfully around her shoulders.

  “Hey, cuz. And here I thought you were never coming home.” He held his hand out for me to shake, squeezing my palm tighter than necessary. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who recalled our last conversation. Good. Be pissed. Just keep her smiling this week. “What’s it been? Two years? How’s life on the road?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, it’s good. I’ve been living in New Orleans for the last month or so. There is a lot of great material there for sure.” Small talk? God this sucked. This was my family and we were reduced to small talk. “How about you? Still playing ball?” Cash and Crue had both played baseball since they were old enough to walk.

  “Yep. Our season starts next month.” He rocked back on his heels. “I’d invite you out to a game, but you’ll be leaving after the memorial, right?” His glare told me I better be leaving as soon as possible. He didn’t want me here, and it was apparent. Things on the patio got awkwardly silent.

  I smiled. “That’s the plan.”

  My dad cleared his throat. “Speaking of the memorial, now that the food is ready, why don’t we all sit down so we can talk to you kids about that.”

  My parents had set up the long wooden table under several strands of bistro lights. All the families had a custom made table like that, one large enough to hold us all. We carried our drinks and sat down, immediately digging in and loading our plates. Crue was to my left and Landry to my right, with Avory and Jett across from me. I could barely see Halen from where I was sitting, and I was sure that was no accident.

  Very different from the last family dinner I’d attended. Halen had been ten weeks pregnant and my hand had stayed on her bare thigh under the table. She’d smiled at me when no one was looking, and I’d winked in response.

  My dad and Uncle Smith stood up at the head of the table, apparently getting ready to give us a speech. I finished off the beer in my hands and grinned gratefully at my sister when she handed me another. My savior.

  Uncle Smith started. “As you all know, Jared passed away last night from a heart attack. While he wasn’t really a part of your lives growing up, he was a big part of ours.” He gestured to my dad and my two other uncles. “Jared made a lot of mistakes, but in the end, he was clean and sober. He was writing songs and volunteering at a drug rehab facility.” Uncle Smith looked down the table at me. “He was Beau’s biological father and my cousin. He was a founding member of the Devil’s Share, and we’ve decided, as a family, that his memory needs to be honored.”

  Uncle Dash stood up. “He was a rock and roll icon for a long time. And there are people out there, fans, who are mourning his loss. We think the best thing to do would be to hold a memorial service in Austin. We’ve rented out a bar downtown, and we’re sending out invites to people we know would want to come. The public needs to see that he mattered to us, that after everything, we still had his back in the end. He’d made amends, and that needs to be recognized.” Through the whole speech, my dad had been glancing in my direction every few seconds. Like he wanted to gage my emotions. “Wednesday, we’ll hold the service.” I kept my mask of indifference in place, because my father was still studying me. Wednesday—that was four days from now.

  I scanned down the table, searching for Halen. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see her face, see her reaction. Cash had his arm along the back of her chair. She turned, meeting my gaze. She shook her head then shrugged her shoulders.

  Defeated.

  Just like I was.

  Chapter Seven

  Halen

  Walking onto the patio and seeing Beau for the first time, my knees had buckled. The only reason I hadn’t crumbled to the floor was because Cash was holding me up, no doubt anticipating yet another mental breakdown. Today was officially the third hardest day of my life. Losing our baby was horrific—it was. But at least I’d had Beau beside me, holding me, crying with me, mourning our loss together. The day he’d walked out on me? I’d never felt so utterly alone. Today was hard, and it was surreal seeing him in the flesh. I couldn’t believe he was here after all this time. I sat at the table, moving my food around on my plate while trying to answer the people around me the best I could. But my heart wasn’t in it, and neither was my head.

  My head was two years in the past, on the day my heart shattered.

  ***

  “Sweets? You awake?”

  Beau climbed into my window and sat down on my bed, smoothing the hair back from my face. “Yeah. I’m up.” I blinked hard, trying to hide my eyes from the bright sunlight Beau had let into my room. I’d been lying in the dark crying for what felt like years. I just couldn’t seem to stop, couldn’t seem to get over what had happened to our baby.

  I’d told my parents I’d gotten the stomach flu. That was my excuse for staying in bed for a week. Missing school. Looking like shit from nonstop crying helped sell it. It’d been seven days, and Beau had been by my side every second he could. “How are you feeling?”

  “I need to go back to school on Monday. I’ve missed too many classes.” There wasn’t really a rush for me to graduate early now, but I figured I’d still go ahead with it. I was more than ready to move out with Beau, get our own place. “I need to keep up if I want to graduate in May.” I wanted to collapse back into my pillows. I barely had the energy to move; even my arms felt heavy.

  “I’m leaving.”

  “Okay. You heading out to listen to a new band or something?” Beau went with my uncles
all the time to scout new music for the label. Normally, I’d go with them. But I just didn’t have it in me yet. Landry told me I’d be okay soon, that I’d be myself again.

  “No.” He put his hands on my shoulders, his gaze meeting my tired eyes. “I’m leaving the compound. I’m leaving.”

  I was confused. Why would he be leaving already? We had plans to move out this summer. It was only a few months away. “What? Why?”

  “I need some space. I need to get away for a while.”

  I cocked my head to the side, my stomach sinking. “You need space? From me? Or from the family?”

  “From all of it.”

  My blood turned cold. It was like my life was ending all over again, but in slow motion this time. “You’re breaking up with me?” I’d just lost our baby, and now I was losing him too. Could the world be any crueler? Any more wicked?

  “I think it’s best I go.” He stood up. “I’ve already almost ruined your life once. I don’t want to do it again.”

  “Ruined my life?” I shook my head. “Getting pregnant didn’t ruin my life, Beau. And it wasn’t your fault.” I felt the tears start to fall. “Is this because I had a miscarriage? Is it…do you blame that on me? I swear I was being careful and I was taking care of—”

  “No. God no, Sweets. It has nothing to do with that.” He closed his eyes. “You need to live, you need to hang out with your friends and graduate. I’m no good for you.” He took another step toward the window. “You’ve been lying to your parents, and I know you hate that. There are too many years between us, and you have things to do that don’t include me. It’s for the best. You’ll see.”

  “No. I won’t see. There is nothing better for me than you. Don’t you understand? I love you, Beau. I’ve always loved you. Please don’t leave me, please. I’ll do anything you want me to.” I was full-on bawling now, the tears streaming unchecked down my face. “I’ll get out of bed, I promise. I’ll tell my parents. I’ll wait and graduate with the rest of my class. Please, just don’t leave me.”