Infamy (RiffRaff Records Book 3) Read online

  I watched him watch me. His hands moved up my body, reaching around my back to unhook my bra. I was too busy taking in his gorgeous blue eyes and intense expression to remember that as soon as he unhooked the sports bra, I’d want to cry. My breasts fell and I bit my cheek to keep from wincing, they were so tender and so heavy.

  “Your boobs feel like they weigh five pounds each.” He had a breast in each hand, gently testing the weight like he was a human scale. They felt heavier today to me too, and hot to the touch. I should have stopped him before he could free them. But Brody made almost all logic and self-preservation leave my brain.

  Almost. I hopped up and headed toward the kitchen. “I’m about to start my period.” Another boldfaced lie that made me hate myself. “You want something to drink?” I grabbed one of his favorite beers from the fridge. I didn’t cook much. I didn’t have the time or the energy after I made it home from the hospital. I only had Brody’s beer and my favorite wine. Neither of which I could enjoy for a while.

  “Sure. You want to share?” He was sitting up now, staring at me, studying me.

  I put the bottle to my lips; a small sip wouldn’t hurt the baby. I’d feel like a shit mother, but the baby would be—

  “Stop.” Brody snatched the bottle from my hands and then slammed it on the coffee table so hard foam bubbled out of the top. “I know you’re pregnant, Landry.”

  I sank down on the couch, my knees going weak at his words. “What? How?”

  He stood and started pacing my living room. “Your Uncle Luke accidentally told us tonight after rehearsal.”

  “Oh my god.” I put my head in my hands.

  “Yep. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the girl I’ve been sleeping with, seeing…whatever we’ve been doing…is Luke’s pregnant niece.” He stopped pacing, turned and glared. “And she’s known about it for over a week?”

  “Brody, please.”

  “I was shocked. Not gonna lie to you. I was shocked.” He was gesturing wildly with his hands, something Brody rarely did. “But after I came to, I started to get a tad—”

  “Came to? You passed out?” I got to my feet, crossing the room and taking his face in my hands. “Did you hit your head? Let me check your pupils.”

  “I’m fine.” He brushed my attention away. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I’d be mad? Did you think I’d leave you alone to deal with everything yourself? Please help me understand, Landry. Because I thought we were friends. I thought we had something good going here.”

  “We are, we do.” I shook my head, trying to keep up with all the emotions and thoughts swirling in my head, and my stomach. “You’re leaving on tour though, and we’re short term. We always say we’re short term.” Why was I trying to justify lying to him? There was no excuse for what I’d done, what I’d planned to do.

  “So rockers can’t have kids? Because I’m pretty sure your massive family puts that theory of yours to shame. We don’t have to be married with a golden retriever to raise a kid, Landry. People figure it out. We’ll do what works for us. For our kid.”

  He didn’t have one little clue that the baby might not be his. And now, after lying and deceiving him for the better part of a week, I was about to punch him in the balls. I had to tell him. He had to know what he was saying, what he was offering. “I, uh, fuck. A few nights before we met, I slept with Travis. That was the last time I was with him.”

  “Your ex?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I slept with him in the morning and then I caught him cheating on me that night.” I wiped at a tear as it began to roll down my cheek. “I did the math, the baby…it could be either of yours.” I cleared my throat, and gave up on trying to keep the tears away. “I had strep throat a couple of weeks before I met you and I’d been on antibiotics. I knew the risk with my birth control but you both wore condoms.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I lied, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me or hate the baby.”

  “Landry.” Brody scooped me into his arms and sat down with me on his lap. “Don’t cry, please, it’s killing me.”

  “I can’t help it. I feel so terrible.” I hiccupped. “And I was going to drink beer to prove my lie? I’m already a shit mom and this kid is a barely formed six-week-old embryo.”

  He was rubbing my back, kissing my forehead. He’d gone from pissed to comforting me in an instant. But I didn’t deserve his kindness, not an ounce of it. “Tell me how to help you. Tell me what’s next. I need to know what’s going on in that brilliant brain of yours.”

  I swallowed and then took a deep breath, willing my tears to stay in check. “I can take a paternity test in another six weeks. Then we’ll know for sure if…then we’ll know.” I was having a hard time coming up with the right words tonight. Everything seemed difficult; my brain felt muddled. “I haven’t told Travis about the pregnancy. And in all honesty, I wasn’t sure I was going to tell either of you.” No use lying to him anymore. The more truths I told, the lighter I was starting to feel.

  “Fuck, baby. Why? Why would you want to keep this from us? Why would you want to take that away from me?”

  The desperation in his voice hit my heart and the crying started back up harder than before. “I wanted what was best for everyone. Travis never wanted kids, which is really a blessing because he’d make a terrible father. And your career is taking off. Your dreams are coming true. I know what it’s like to live with a parent that never wanted you. And I won’t do that to this baby. I refuse to let it feel anything other than loved.”

  “Let me be there for you,” he whispered, his breath a calming hush.

  “I’m a big girl, Brody. I don’t need someone to hold my hand through this.” In reality, I didn’t want to get more attached to a man that was going to leave me the second he learned the baby wasn’t his. What twenty-three-year-old would stick around for someone else’s child? What twenty-three-year-old giant rock star in the making would stick around, period? I forced as much strength as I could muster into my voice. “In six weeks, I’ll get the paternity test. Either way, you aren’t on the hook for this. I can do it on my own.”

  Brody sat me down onto the sofa and then took my face in his hands. “I’m not asking you, Landry. I’m telling you.” He glanced at my lips like he wanted to kiss some sense into me, but I guess he thought better of it. “There is chance that’s my kid in there. I’m going to be here.”

  I nodded, lips pursed. “And what happens if you find out it’s not your kid? What then? You turn and walk away?” He stayed quiet, which was all the answer I needed. “So I get your support, your friendship, your dick…for the next six weeks? You get to keep coming here, you get to keep fucking Landry Cole until the day you step onto that tour bus and drive away without a care in the world?” I shook my head. “That’s what can’t happen, Brody. I can’t have you be in this with me for the next six weeks and then have you walk away. You need to leave now, while we’re both still okay with each other. While we’re still friends.”

  “But it could be mine.”

  “You’ve got a fifty-fifty shot here. Play the odds like they’re not in your favor.” I rose to my feet, grabbed my water because I was feeling sick again and headed toward my room. “I’ll call you in six weeks.”

  I told him to leave. I’d practically told him to fuck off. But when the front door slammed shut, my heart fell to my stomach so hard I puked.

  Chapter Ten

  Brody

  “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going to talk to Landry, I thought…”

  “Don’t.” I tossed my backpack up the stairs, cutting off Dane as I headed to the kitchen. I had to push past a crowd of strangers before I could fish the six-pack I’d hidden out of the back of the fridge. I jostled my way across the deck, and when I finally made it to the shoreline, I breathed in a deep, cleansing breath of salty air. I sat in the powdered sand, opening a bottle and draining it like it was water.

  Fuck. Me. Running.
/>   Tonight had been one punch to the gut after another. Landry’s pregnant. It might not be yours. Leave, Brody. Play the odds like they’re not in your favor. I’ll call you in six weeks.

  I tossed my empty bottle as hard as I could back toward the house. I felt satisfied for about ten seconds when I heard it shatter. Then I hated myself for littering. Almost as much as I hated myself for walking out like she’d told me to.

  I hadn’t wanted to leave, not for a second. I simply had no idea what else to do. I didn’t know what to say, how to answer her questions, how to make everything okay. I felt lost and confused and scared, and sad.

  I felt real fucking sad.

  “Talk to me, Brody.”

  I glanced to my left when Talon sat down in the sand next to me. I shook my head, draining a second beer. I didn’t want to say the words. I didn’t want any of this to be my damn reality. My life was golden, right? So fucking wrong. “The baby might not be mine.”

  T was quiet for a few seconds—absorbing, no doubt. “It’s not really cheating if you aren’t really together, yeah?” Talon had a forgiving heart, and he’d always had a bit of a soft spot for Landry no matter how much shit he gave me about her.

  “It was a few nights before she met me. Her ex. She hasn’t been with anyone else since that concert.” Talon was right, but either way, she didn’t cheat. She didn’t set out to hurt me, she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Didn’t make it suck any fucking less though.

  “You walked away when she told you? Doesn’t really sound like the Brody I know.” I didn’t say anything to that—just drained another damn bottle. As always, T took my silence as tacit permission to continue talking. “Why are you here when we both know you want to be with Landry?”

  Good question. Why was I here? Why hadn’t I demanded to stay? “I told her I wanted to be there. I wanted to help her.” I tried to clear some of the emotion from my voice. “She asked me what I’d do if I found out the baby wasn’t mine, and I froze. I fucking froze, Talon.” I shook my head, tipping the bottle up again. “She told me to leave after that. She doesn’t want me.”

  “No. She doesn’t want to be hurt by you. She doesn’t want her or her kid to be let down by you. I can’t say I blame her, man. I’ve read the articles. I know what her childhood was like before she met her dad. She knows what it feels like to be unloved by a parent. But none of that means she doesn’t want you, Brody.” T tossed my second empty back toward the house, making sure it landed gently on the long dune grass. “I know you two said things would be temporary, but come on. The way you talk about her, the fact that you can’t stay away? You two are more than a fling. We all see it.”

  “It might not be mine.” That was the only thought that kept repeating in my head. The look on her face when she said it, the sound of the words leaving her lips. The way it felt like my heart shattered in my chest. Somewhere between passing out and grabbing the beer out of her hand, I’d decided I wanted a kid. I wanted my and Landry’s kid. Then I’d gotten sucker punched by the fact that the baby might be her ex’s. “It might not be mine.” Was I having a stroke?

  “So what, man? So fucking what?”

  “Her ex is a damn heart surgeon. He has money and stability. He saves lives and—”

  “And he cheated on her and he treated her like she was beneath him from the way she made it sound. You really want a man like that raising your girl’s baby?” He turned to face me. “The kid might not be yours, but Landry sure as hell is. We all see it, Brody. You worship her.”

  “We’re friends.”

  We were a fling. We were a good time. We were fun and wild and dirty. Neither one of us went into anything picturing forever, no matter what Talon or the other guys thought.

  “Keep telling yourself that, man.” Talon got up and headed back toward the house. I didn’t blame him for leaving my miserable ass down here on the beach to drink until I passed out.

  I hated myself.

  I hated that I wasn’t with Landry.

  ***

  “Maybe he has a concussion from Brax letting him hit his head?”

  “I didn’t let him, asshole. It was an accident.”

  “He drank a six-pack and smoked the cheap stuff we had planned to throw out. He’s asleep. That’s all.”

  “I think a seagull shit on his chest. See that right there?”

  “Will you all please shut the hell up?” I covered my pounding head with both my hands, blocking out my bandmates’ voices as well as the rising sun. How long had I been passed out on the beach? Did a bird really shit on me?

  “We brought you The Cure.” Talon was standing directly above my head, talking loudly like I was hard of hearing. He was punishing me, a specialty of his. He didn’t like that I’d walked out of Landry’s last night any more than I did.

  “Stop screaming.” I rolled over onto my stomach and got a mouthful of sand.

  “Come on, bro. Sit up.” Dane shuffled my body like I was a doll until I was sitting on my heels.

  Finally, I peeled my eyes open. Yep. There was bird shit on my chest.

  “Open your mouth.” Brax put his hands on either side of my head.

  “Dude, it looks like you’re about to make him blow you, let go.” Talon shoved Brax out of the way and then put a large fountain Coca-Cola in my hands. “Take a sip.” I did as I was told, the bubbles instantly burning my raw throat. “Open.” I opened my mouth and then closed it after he shoved half of a greasy cheeseburger in there. I started to chew, fighting the urge to lay back down in the fetal position and let the birds have their way with me.

  I deserved to be shit on.

  Brax and Dane picked up their boards and headed toward the early morning waves. Dane stopped, calling over his shoulder. “Finish your burger, and then get your ass on your board. Let the ocean help you figure your shit out.” Typical Dane the Soul Surfer remedy. He might not be able to compete anymore, but he was a surfer through and through. We were all slightly worried about what would happen on tour, what he would do when he couldn’t surf every day.

  I nodded slowly, taking another sip of Coke. They’d brought my board, my vape pen, Coke and a burger—what we called The Cure. The perfect trifecta to make me feel better. But we all knew it wouldn’t work. Not this time.

  I had more than a hangover.

  I’d had my heart broken.

  T was still standing over me, his arms crossed while he watched our friends paddle out. “You should call her.”

  “Give me some fucking time, Talon. In the last ten hours I found out my girl is pregnant and it might not be mine. Can’t I have some time to process? To lose my shit?” We both knew I was lashing out because I felt guilty for not staying last night. It didn’t matter that she told me to leave. She was hurt. She was crying, and I walked away. It was a shit move.

  “Sure, bro. Take all the time you need.” He grabbed his board, holding it over his head. “I’m sure Landry’s fine. I’m sure she didn’t cry herself to sleep. I mean, feeling alone while you’re pregnant is probably no big deal, yeah?”

  The burger felt like lead in my stomach. Fucking Talon. “I can’t call her until I can answer her question.”

  “What question?”

  “What would I do if I found out the baby wasn’t mine?” I hung my head, replaying the night before. The look on Landry’s face when I couldn’t answer her. When I stayed silent. It was like she’d lost all hope, instantly, and right in front of me.

  “Get up.” Talon’s voice was hard, like he was pissed at me. “Get on your fucking board and go clear your damn head.”

  “Why the hell are you acting like you’re pissed at me? I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m trying to do right by her and the baby. I don’t want to lie to them. I don’t want to say I’ll be there if I won’t. You said it yourself, that’s what she’s afraid of.” Landry had told me about her childhood, and about the neglect she suffered living with her mother. The terrible things Landry witnessed. I didn’t like that my
girl had lied to me, that she was still lying to Travis. But I understood her hesitation, her fear. It all came from a real place.

  “You have been head over heels for Landry since the fucking day you met her. We all saw it. Why do you think we give you such a hard time about her?” T shook his head, a bewildered look on his face. “And then the second she needs you to be there for her, like real life be there, you fucking bail? That’s not who you are.”

  “How am I supposed to know who I am in this situation? I’ve never been here before.” I was screaming, and I didn’t fucking care. My world had been turned upside down, twice in the same damn day. I needed a fucking minute to wrap my head around everything. “What do you want from me, man? You want to hear that I want that baby? Because I do. I want our baby. Mine and Landry’s. If it’s mine, I’ll do right by both of them. I would make sure they were so loved, so taken care of. Anything and everything they needed, they’d have it. I’d be the best dad I could be. The fucking best.”

  “And if the baby is not yours? What then? You walk away and pretend you never wanted them both in the first place?”

  “I walk away and give Travis a chance to know his kid, to step up.” That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? I’d want someone to do that for me. “If the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t want some other dude moving in on my kid.” That wasn’t cool.

  “That’s ridiculous. You sticking by Landry does not equate to you stealing another man’s child. Come on, dude. Does Travis even want kids?”

  I shrugged. “Gee, I don’t know. And you know what? Neither does he, because Landry hasn’t fucking told him yet.” I headed toward the water. I was done with the whole damn argument. Talon had no right to act as if he knew the answers. I wonder what he would do if the shoe was on the other foot.

  “Blood doesn’t make you family.”

  I stopped, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Yeah. And?”

  “Landry was neglected and abused by her biological mother, then nurtured and loved by her adopted one. Landry may seem like she has her shit together, but think about the things this pregnancy is making her feel. The things it’s making her think about.” Talon picked his board back up, walking a few feet to join me. “Her ex hurt her, he belittled her, and he cheated on her. He made her feel like she wasn’t enough. Are you telling me you want him to be able to come in and stake claim? Are you telling me you want her to have to fight him alone?” He shook his head. “Nah. Doesn’t sound like the Brody I know.” T walked out into the water, put his board down and paddled out.