Finally (RiffRaff Records Book 9) Page 4

  “Love you too, MVP.” I stepped forward, cupping my nephew’s chubby cheek and smacking a kiss on his forehead. “And I love you, sweet boy.”

  Chapter Seven

  Avory

  Now

  Marley was right. I’d known what I needed to do from the moment Colin had asked me to move with him. I’d never been excited about the idea. No part of me had ever really wanted to go. My life was here in Texas. Not with Colin. And he didn’t need to carry me across the country with him like a weight around his neck.

  When I got back to the compound, he was on the couch watching football with my dad. There were bowls of chips on the coffee table and iced tea sweating on coasters. It was cliché, but totally what a Sunday in any of our homes looked like. But Colin hated football, sports of any kind really. Which should’ve told me something about compatibility. He was all brain, all heart. And I didn’t deserve him.

  “Hey, sweetie, you’re back.” Colin held his hand out, wanting me to come to him. “You want to watch the game with your dad and me?” His eyes got large, like he was trying to silently ask me to get him out of it.

  “Yeah, come on, baby girl, watch the game with your old man and your new man.” When my dad said shit like that, I had a hard time imagining him as a fuck boy rock star before he met my mom. Mentally sighing, I watched my dad pat the couch between them, a loving grin on his face. They were both so happy to see me, but one of them was about to lose their smile.

  “Actually, uh, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone.” I gestured with my head to the back patio and Colin’s grateful smile made me feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. He thought he was getting a better deal, no more football and a few moments alone with his girlfriend. Instead, he was about to be dumped.

  My dad’s eyes tracked us as we stepped out back, leaning forward in his seat until he almost fell out of it. I shut the door, blocking his view. He was my father. He knew my tone didn’t say good things. I was rarely soft and sweet. I was more sassy and snarky.

  “Thank you for getting me out of there. I know nothing about football and your dad kept asking me all these questions I couldn’t answer.” Colin took my hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “You want to go for a walk? It’s such a beautiful day.”

  He turned, looking out over my family’s land. My parents’ backyard faced a field full of tall switch grass, and when the wind blew, the grass’s swaying rhythms became almost hypnotic. The tank was over a small ridge, and then the red barn beyond that. “Maybe we could build a little place here too, that way when we came to visit, we’d have our own space.” He pointed while shielding his eyes from the glare of the setting sun. “Isn’t that barn empty now that Marley and Jett live across the street? Do you think your parents would be okay if we renovated it?”

  That barn wasn’t empty. And the person who lived there would rather burn it down than let Colin and I make it our home.

  “Colin.” He had to stop talking about our future. It was killing me and making me… Nope. I was being a selfish brat again. This wasn’t about me. This was about him. “I can’t go with you to Portland.”

  He spun to face me, a frown on his handsome face. “What?”

  “I, uh, I thought about it a lot and it’s not right.” I was fidgeting, my hands twisting in front of me. I rarely fidgeted, but this conversation was harder than I thought it would be. “My family is here, my job is here. I just started with MJ Botanicals, my sisters are popping out babies left and right, and—”

  “I’ll turn down the job.” Colin shook his head, his voice cracking. “I’ll stay here with you. I don’t want the job if you aren’t there with me. Money isn’t important, people are important. You want to stay with your family, then I’ll stay too.”

  Oh holy shit. I closed my eyes, cursing my cold dead heart. Why, world? Why couldn’t I be head over heels in love with this man? He’s amazing. He’s everything. But he’s not for me, and I needed to get this conversation the hell over with.

  “Colin, no. Go to Portland, take the once-in-a-lifetime job.” I took a deep breath, stepping closer to the heart I was about to break. “You’re a great guy. You’re an actual dream come true. But you deserve better than me. More. You deserve someone who wouldn’t hesitate to say yes, someone who is all in. Someone who would put you first. And that’s not me. I’m sorry.”

  He blinked rapidly, his green eyes almost crossing in confusion. “Wait. So you’re not moving to Portland and you’re breaking up with me?” His hands went to his hips. “No long distance, no let’s see how it goes? Just, I’m not coming, you shouldn’t stay, and I’m not the girl for you?”

  I nodded. That was the gist of it right there.

  “I thought, uh, I thought we were in this together. I thought we were in love.” He looked back across the field, taking a shaky breath. “Was it something I did? Is there someone else?”

  “Yes.” His eyes shot up to meet mine. “I mean there is someone else.” I shrugged, being as honest as I’d ever been. “Me.” I should have recorded this shit for Marley to see me evolving as a person. “I’m selfish. I’m a brat. We both know it.”

  “Sweetie, you’re not a brat, you’re, uh, a bit, uh, difficult at times.” He reached for my hands, a pleading tone taking over the barely contained despair from earlier. “It doesn’t bother me, you know that. I love taking care of you. I love you.”

  “Dude.” I sighed. “You should be with someone who takes care of you. You shouldn’t have to navigate my moods. I’m the worst. Really, I am. Ask anyone in my family.” I threw my hands wide, then dropped them, letting them slap against my thighs. “I’m standing here, trying to put your needs before mine and you’re still outshining me. Go to Oregon, Colin, find a great girl, fall in love.”

  “I am in love.”

  Jesus H. Christ. I’d never dumped anyone I cared about before, except Crue. This was proving to be quite difficult. “Colin, it’s over. I’ll leave the house so you can pack up your things. You have a key to my apartment. I’ll stay here on the compound until you can get your stuff from there too. Take all the time you need.”

  He stared at me for a solid sixty seconds before brushing past me and going back inside. I felt sick to my stomach, but I also felt lighter. I’d done the right thing for both of us.

  One day, he’d look up at the clouds and thank whoever was listening that Avory Connor had dumped him on her parents’ back porch.

  ***

  I spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding the ’rents. I knew they’d have questions, and they’d baby me and ask if I was all right. I didn’t deserve their kindness. I broke a good guy’s heart and I deserved to feel like an asshole for a while.

  Asshole.

  “I’m a brat, and you’re an asshole.”

  “And you wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  Marley said Crue would think that me staying in Texas had something to do with him. But he’d be wrong. Crue didn’t factor into my decision at all, and I was proud of that. Staying here was my choice, and it was the right move for all parties involved. Crue may haunt the edges of my mind, but he didn’t affect me the way he once did.

  After we broke up, he’d begged and pleaded with me to take him back. To forgive him. And I guess somewhere along the way, I had. To a certain extent, I even understood that he thought he was doing the right thing when he’d cheated on me. That he was trying to protect Cash and me. But the trust we once had was lost, and without it, we weren’t possible.

  “In order for me to love you the way you want to be loved, I need you to trust me.”

  “I do trust you.”

  Sort of hiding, I was in my childhood room, sitting on my bed with my laptop balanced on my knees. I was reworking the MJ Botanicals website. There was something I didn’t love about the page headers. The spacing was off.

  “I saw Colin leaving with a packed suitcase and no girlfriend.” I glanced up. Cash was leaning in my doorway, backward baseball cap on his head, and hands
shoved in his pockets.

  “I set him free.”

  “Oregon not the place for you?” He stepped into my room, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

  I shrugged, placing my computer on my nightstand. “More like Colin isn’t the guy for me.” I smiled, changing the subject. “You’re going to be a daddy.”

  “I am.” His face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I used to make fun of how the Devil’s Share popped out babies like rabbits, but now I’m adding to the herd.”

  “That’s life, right? You grow up, fall in love, have some kids, and then grow old as shit.” I was still working on the fall in love aspect of it all. Maybe I never would, maybe I’d be everyone’s fun aunt until I was old and gray. Katie and Kasen had a hot as hell older uncle, he was single and seemed happy enough. “Me, Jett, Evie, and Crue are the only ones holding out in the babies department.”

  “Actually, I’m shocked Jett hasn’t knocked up Devin yet. His master bedroom is made of fucking glass windows. I can actually see how often they bang.” I wrinkled my nose and he nodded in agreement. “And as far as Crue goes, he’ll never settle down. This girl broke his heart when we were kids and he’s never recovered.”

  “Harsh.” I shoved his shoulder. “He broke mine first.” I knew Cash was mostly kidding, but I also knew he loved his twin a whole hell of a lot. “I’m sure he’ll get some one-night stand pregnant and end up thriving with that weekend dad life.”

  “And you? You want babies one day?”

  “Do you want babies?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I’ll give them to you, baby.”

  Why in the holy hell were all these past conversations flying through my mind like a bad flashback reel? That was the third freaking time in the last ten minutes. Did breaking up with Colin damage my psyche? I wasn’t harboring some long-lost feelings for fucking Crue Matthews. That asshole.

  “Avory?”

  “Huh? Oh. Um, yeah I want kids.” I got to my feet. I needed some fresh air to clear my foggy brain. “Maybe I’ll adopt one day. Who knows, right?” I held my hand out, dragging Cash to his feet. “Come on, let me walk you home.”

  Chapter Eight

  Crue

  Now

  I was sitting in the moonlight, drinking vodka from a flask. It wasn’t one of my finest moments, but it also wasn’t my lowest. My ears had perked up a few minutes ago, the sound of someone moving through the tall grass breaking the silence of the night. I figured it was Cash coming to check on me, or maybe even Brody. I hoped it was Brody. He’d bring weed and his peaceful energy. Plus, he was happy to not talk shit out, whereas Cash would demand we unpack what I was feeling.

  Avory’s long dark hair came into view, shocking me speechless. I opened my mouth, then closed it again because I wasn’t sure what the hell to say. Because I was me, I went with self-assured sarcasm moments later. “Just like old times?”

  She jumped, her hands flying to her chest. “Holy shit, Crue, you scared me.” She took a few deep breaths, then kicked a rock with the toe of her boot. “Why are you lurking in the shadows like that?”

  “Why are you sneaking off the compound in the middle of the night like you’re sixteen again?” My tone sounded hopeful, even to my own ears. Was she looking for me? We were standing near the back gate, the place where I first kissed her within feet from where we now stood. This was my safe place, but it was hers too. I’d been happy to share it with her. And she’d come here tonight of all nights.

  It meant something, right?

  “I needed to talk to you, you weren’t home, so I figured…” She glanced around the field, her gaze lingering on the old chair that was still there. It had to be made of magic, holding up to the years and the elements.

  “Jett already told me.” I couldn’t stand to hear her say the words, to say she was leaving me out loud. Because that’s what it would be. If Avory left Texas, she’d be leaving me, I knew that. I lived here in the old red barn. I worked for both family companies, arranging our security details and transports. I was tied to this compound, like she had been.

  “I can’t wait to leave here, to leave this place.”

  I chuckled, tangling my fingers into her dark locks and tugging from the base the way she liked. “You want to peel out of here and never look back, baby?” I knew she didn’t. I knew that she’d start to miss our loud crazy family the second we left.

  “Okay, fine.” She turned in my lap, straddling me in the old chair by the back gate. “How ’bout I can’t wait to be free of my parents’ house?”

  “You and me both.” I rested my palms on her toned thighs, leaning my head back so I could look at my beautiful girl in the moonlight.

  “I want to build a house down here, closer to the back gate, closer to our place.” She glanced around, taking in the dark field all around us.

  I knew she’d want to live here forever, even though she complained constantly about all the people, the parents, and the chaos. Avory loved her family, and she loved this land. We’d both been running free across these acres from the moment we’d learned to walk. We were born wild. We were born different from our siblings, but we were still Devil’s Spawn at heart, and leaving would never feel all the way right.

  “I’ll build you a house back here, baby. Back here where no one can hear you screaming my name.”

  “Crue, are you listening to me? I wanted to tell you—”

  “I know you do.” I cleared the fog from my brain, pushing the memory of her in my arms to the dark corners of my mind. “But I don’t want to hear it, Avory. I don’t want to hear about your perfect fucking boyfriend and the life you’re going to live together.” I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  Chapter Nine

  Avory

  Now

  I can’t. The sadness I heard in Crue’s voice should have made me feel empathy, should have made me put him out of his misery. I should have told my first love the truth: that I wasn’t leaving, that I broke up with Colin. But instead, his agony made me lie.

  “He’s a nice guy.” He closed his eyes at my soft declaration, like maybe if he didn’t look at me, my words wouldn’t cut so deep. “He loves me, Crue.” I couldn’t have him thinking I stayed because of him. I couldn’t. If he thought there was a chance, he’d never let me go. And he’d already held on too long. “He’ll never hurt me.”

  His eyes flew open, the pain in them clear as day even in the dark night. He nodded, his jaw clenched tight. “He’s a nice guy, and he loves you, we can all see that.” He was agreeing with me, but I knew that tone of his. He was leading me somewhere, he was luring me into a trap.

  “He’ll never hurt me.” I punctuated the urgency in my voice by stepping closer, the dry grass crunching under my feet. Crue hurt me, and I was throwing it back in his face. I was trying to make him see that we were no good for each other, that the damage was done and we were forever over.

  He scoffed. “Of course he won’t hurt you, Avory.” He handed me the flask in his hand, watching silently as I took an appreciative sip. “He doesn’t have the capability.”

  I handed it back, our fingers touching for the briefest moment. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  His gaze traveled off, like I was starting to bore him. “You aren’t in love with him. He doesn’t own your heart. You can’t break what you don’t possess, baby spawn.”

  I wasn’t in love with Colin, not anymore. But Crue didn’t know that. I was standing here lying out my ass, telling him that Colin was the guy for me, that I was choosing him, and Crue was calling me on it. Did he still know me that well, even after all these years? Or. Had I become a shit liar in my feeble attempt to be a better person? “I do love him.”

  “You like him.”

  I couldn’t back down. And I had no fucking clue why. “He makes me laugh.”

  “So does Jett.”

  “He makes me happy, Crue.” I was lying and he was challenging me. He was pushing me, like he used to. Crue and I loved i
n a way that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. He was an asshole and I was a brat, and we fucking craved that from each other.

  “I’m glad. You deserve happiness, Avory.” He took another sip off the silver flask he’d had since we were kids.

  “That flask is like your security blanket.” I took it from his hands, tipping it back and draining the small amount of vodka that was left.

  “You’re right.” He shoved it into his back pocket when I passed it to him, his eyes searching the party raging in front of us. “Because right now, it’s the only thing keeping me calm.”

  “They don’t matter.” Three of his teammates had asked me out this week, and one of them was staring at me from across the empty pasture. Crue was jealous and possessive. The fact he couldn’t beat the ever-loving shit out of those guys for looking at me made him twitchy.

  “That you’re trying to kill them with your mind like a fucking Jedi isn’t helping any of us keep your secrets.” Cash was sitting on the other side of me, adding to the pretense that we were simply three inseparable Spawn.

  Crue hopped down from his tailgate, standing in front of his twin but speaking to me. I looked over his shoulder, adding to the illusion we worked so hard to maintain. “I’m going to drive you out to the middle of nowhere, lay you out under the stars and fuck you until you can’t remember your own name, let alone theirs.” He jerked his thumb behind him, the wicked smile on his handsome face making my blood start to heat inside my veins.

  “Already forgotten, but okay.” I stood up, resting my hands on Cash’s shoulders and pulling him back so he’d look up at me. “Take me home, C Money?”

  He sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face. “Of course.” He hated the lies, but he loved us more. “See you later, bro?”