Sanctuary (RiffRaff Records Book 5) Page 12

  She wrapped the blanket around her, and then kind of bounced on her feet. She still had so much nervous energy that needed to be expelled. I brought her here to help her, and that was all. It wasn’t to see her naked, and it wasn’t because inking her skin turned me on. It was because we were both tired, and I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep until she did.

  And she wouldn’t be able to rest comfortably until she had her release.

  There were two solid ways I knew of to do that for her, but only one of them was an option at this point.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Evie

  Nicky was right; this was exactly what I’d needed. I was propped up on my back, my shoulder hanging slightly off the bed. The buzz of the gun and the feel of the needle was almost putting me in a trance. “Why do I love this so much?” I’d felt calmer the instant I had felt the first sting on my skin.

  He paused beside me for a moment to answer. “You like the rush it gives you, the flood of endorphins and adrenaline.” He set back to work on the custom design he hadn’t even sketched out for me to see first. It didn’t matter. I trusted him. “Maybe that was why you got so hooked on the Adderall? It gave you the little rush you needed to make it throughout the day.” He swiped his paper towel across the surface and then started again.

  “At first, I was playing a part, you know? Like I knew I was being ridiculous, and not at all myself. But people were eating it up. They loved it, and they loved this version of me.” I swallowed, my mouth feeling a little dry. “And then the more popular I got, the harder it was to keep up with my school work.” I took a sip off the water bottle I’d brought with me from Nicky’s apartment. “One of the upper classman gave me some Adderall when we were doing group study for our fall finals.”

  “And from then on you used it as a crutch? As a way to keep up and keep your fake attitude going?”

  “It made things easier. I went and got my own prescription. The girls all told me what I needed to say to make the doctor give it to me. It was shockingly easy.” I recalled how nervous I’d been, afraid to lie to the physician.

  “The downers? When did those start?” He wiped more excess ink from my skin, his voice soft and soothing.

  “The end of my freshman year.” We’d had a slumber party at the sorority house to celebrate the graduating seniors. “I told someone that I’d taken so much Adderall to make it through finals the day before that I doubted I’d ever sleep again. Someone tossed me a bottle of Valium, and thirty minutes later I felt relaxed for the first time in days.” Looking back now, I felt so naïve. I was a smart girl, and yet I’d taken whatever pill was thrown my way like it was nothing. “The coke came my sophomore year. The more friends I accrued, the wilder the parties I went to were.”

  “You do it often? The coke?”

  “No, not really.” I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t a big fan of the coke. I assumed it was because I constantly had Adderall in my system, but the few times I’d done it I thought my heart was going to literally explode. Plus, when I did coke, I felt like a drug user. When I took prescription pills, I felt like I was mildly abusing moderately safe medications. My rules for myself didn’t make sense, I was well aware.

  “You getting tired now?”

  I nodded, leaning my head back against the table behind me. “I’m a freak, huh? Tattoos lull me to sleep.” I’d laugh if I had the energy, and if I wasn’t afraid of messing up his work.

  “You aren’t a freak, little bird.” Nicky paused again, repositioning his arm. “You like getting tattoos, and I like giving them to you.” He chuckled quietly. “You know if you ever let anyone else ink you, I’ll lose my damn mind. This skin is mine.”

  His words sent chills across my flesh, which I was sure he saw since he was inches away from it. “It’s all yours, Nick—shit. What the hell is your last name?” A question I should have asked him before I forced him to take my virginity.

  “Barrens.”

  I turned, meeting his eyes. “Nick Barrens. I like it.” It felt good on my tongue. “My skin is all yours, Nick Barrens.” I watched his reaction to my softly spoken words. I watched his pupils widen, and his throat work to swallow.

  He leaned forward, placing a lingering kiss on the side of my neck. “Please know that I want you, that I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. That I want nothing more than to climb inside your body and stay there for days.”

  “But?” My voice was quiet, almost a whisper to match his.

  He kissed my neck one more time before pulling away. “But. It wouldn’t be right. Not yet anyway.” He took a deep breath and got back to work on my shoulder.

  We were both silent for a while. My eyes were starting to droop, and I was having a hard time staying awake. “My dad was addicted to drugs when he was younger. Drugs, alcohol, all kinds of things from what I hear.” I wasn’t really sure made me share that with Nicky, but once I started talking, I couldn’t seem to stop. “He has tons of tattoos too. Maybe he falls asleep when he’d getting lightly hammered by tiny needles. Maybe it’s in my genes or whatever, maybe he and I are the same kind of messed up.” I used to think I was more like my mom, levelheaded and calm. But now, I wasn’t so sure.

  “You aren’t messed up, Evie.” Nicky stopped, moving his stool to look me in the eye. “You got caught up in a life you couldn’t handle, you found coping mechanisms, albeit terrible ones. It happens—all the time, actually.” He smiled. “You’re here, with me. You’re getting help, and you’re trying to get better. And that says it all, little bird.”

  “You had to kidnap me. Twice.”

  His voice took on a pleading tone, like he was trying to convince me of something. “You could have run.”

  “I did.” I’d run right into the fucking lion’s den.

  “You aren’t running right now. And that’s progress. That’s you choosing help.”

  He was making me sound better than I was. I didn’t want to let myself off the hook. It was easy to pretend that everything was going to be okay when I was locked in Nicky’s apartment or getting pampered on his tattoo table. But the real work was waiting for me. Collin, the sorority, a class load I could barely handle…it was all still out there. It was all still waiting to drag me back under.

  What if I didn’t want to get better? What if I ran again? What if Nicky put all this time and energy into helping me, and I threw it back in his face on my way out the door?

  I was a bitch.

  I wouldn’t put it past me.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Nick

  Evie had fallen asleep before I finished her tattoo. I’d cleaned her up and carried her all the way back to my apartment. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told her that she tended to pass out on me. When she slept, she seemed to go into such a deep sleep it was sometimes hard to wake her. I made a note on my phone to ask the doctor about that today.

  Evie was in my bathroom, getting dressed for our appointment. I’d gotten this physician’s number from Bleu’s mom. She was a nurse, and she used to work for a really popular pediatrician. She assured me that this particular doctor would know exactly how to help Evie. Apparently, a lot of people needed to be weaned off Adderall these days. It had been overprescribed and under regulated, according to some of the articles I’d read online. Kids had been given it, unnecessarily, and after decades on it they needed help to stop.

  I didn’t want to make light of Evie’s pill problems, but I didn’t want her think she was one step away from a street corner crack addict either. She was given the Adderall, and she abused it. She needed help falling sleep, and she’d started abusing that too. The coke and the booze I couldn’t necessarily fault her for. She was in college; we’d all been there. Hell, two nights before I’d met Evie I’d gotten black-out drunk and puked on a police officer’s shoes. Luckily, he was one of my regular clients and he’d dumped me off at home instead of hauling me to jail.

  I partied a lot less now than I used to. I worked a lot of hou
rs, and if I hung out it was usually something pretty low key with Bleu or Hawkins, the other guy that tattooed at my shop. I’d only known him for about a year, but he fit in well.

  “Ready.” Evie came striding into the living room, looking like a daydream. Her dress hung off one shoulder, exposing the tattoo I’d given her last night. And it stopped mid-thigh, showing the first one I’d given her. Her hair was piled in a knot on the top of her head and she wasn’t wearing much makeup. She looked fresher and healthier than I’d seen her in days. “Everything okay?”

  “What? Yeah, everything is fine.” She’d caught me checking her out, again. All my game and suave went out the window where Evie James was concerned.

  ***

  We were seated in the exam room, me on a chair and Evie on the paper-covered table. I could tell she was nervous; her legs were swinging and she kept fidgeting, making the paper crinkle loudly. This was the kind of situation where she’d normally take a pill to get her mood back to right.

  The first time I’d met her, I thought she had a really calming presence about her. Poised, even. The pills had definitely taken a toll on her. When there was a soft knock on the door she sat up straighter in her seat. “Come in.”

  “Hi guys.” An older woman with graying hair and a stark-white lab coat walked in with a bright smile on her face. “You must be Evie.” She held her hand out. “I’m Dr. Seaback.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Evie’s smile was less bright, and tighter. “That’s Nick. He’s an overbearing friend of mine.”

  Dr. Seaback laughed, holding her hand out to shake mine. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Nick, the overbearing friend.” I returned her smile and shook my head at Evie when she turned her back to find her chair. “Let’s see, we are here today to discuss taking you off your Adderall, is that correct?”

  Evie nodded but otherwise kept her lips pressed together and her hands wringing in her lap.

  “How long have you been taking Adderall, Evie?” Dr. Seaback sat the chart she’d been studying on the desk behind her and gave Evie her full attention.

  “About a year and a half.”

  “That’s not too long. I’ve had patients that have been on it for decades.” She sounded exasperated by the thought. “How many milligrams do you take at a time?”

  Evie’s eyes darted to me, and then to her lap. “I’m on the twelve-point-five milligram pill. I started at five milligrams and then worked my way up over a few months.” Evie looked a little pale, but I wasn’t sure if it was nerves, or withdrawal, or simply because the thought of giving up her pills was making her ill.

  “Okay, well, twelve-point-five is a pretty high dosage. Did your previous doctor tell you why they bumped you up to that?” Dr. Seaback wasn’t being mean, and she wasn’t being accusatory. But Evie started to fidget in her seat, tearing at the nail polish on her nails.

  “I, uh, we stopped at ten milligrams for a few months but they weren’t cutting it. I couldn’t get everything done. I couldn’t concentrate.”

  “I see.” The doctor moved closer to Evie, taking an even softer approach. “And how many times a day do you take your pill?” She knew. She knew without Evie having to say she had a problem that she was abusing the amphetamines.

  “I don’t know. It depends on the day I guess.” She glanced at me again then back to the doctor. “Sometimes two a day, sometimes as many as four.” My heart broke as tears started to form in her beautiful brown eyes.

  “Evie, you know that amount in your system in extremely dangerous, right?” Evie nodded. “I want to run a full blood panel today. I need to make sure that your liver enzymes are okay.” Evie took a deep breath and nodded again. “I can help wean you off of your Adderall, but it’s not going to be easy. Your body, and your brain by this point, depend on the dextroamphetamine. You depend on the chemicals you get from your pills and your body has stopped producing them on their own.” Dr. Seaback glanced at me briefly before continuing. “I’m also going to recommend that you see a therapist as well, to help you cope with this addiction.”

  At the word addiction, Evie’s tears finally spilled free. She was breaking my heart and making me proud all at the same time.

  I got up and went to stand beside her, taking her hands in mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Evie

  It’d been three days since I saw Dr. Seaback and had started to wean myself off the Adderall. The doctor appointment and bloodwork had been draining. Maybe it was because I didn’t get much sleep the night before, or maybe because I’d finally admitted that I had a pill addiction. Either way, when we’d gotten back to Nicky’s apartment, I’d face-planted on his mattress and promptly fell asleep.

  In the days that followed, I’d been moody and more tired than I’d ever felt in my life. But I’d also felt good, like for the first time in a long time, my life was headed in the right direction. Dr. Seaback had helped connect me with a therapist, and I had my first appointment later in the week. I still wasn’t sure if any of this would stick. But Nicky believed in me, and I wasn’t currently searching his house for more pills. One day at a time, right? Wasn’t that the addict’s motto?

  Nicky and I slept next to each other every night, and I knew he was spending way more time away from Revival Ink than he normally did. We hadn’t kissed again. Hell, we barely touched. I knew he was keeping his distance because he thought it was the right thing to do, and maybe it was. But I still longed for him to hold me.

  Currently, we were sitting on Nicky’s couch, Chinese takeout spread out on the coffee table in front of us and Ollie curled up between us. We were watching another history documentary in comfortable silence. I had my cell in my hand, and I’d been contemplating going through all my missed calls and texts for the last thirty minutes. After my appointment with Dr. Seaback, I’d turned it off. I could only deal with so much of my fucked up at one time. But I knew putting it off any longer wasn’t going to make it any easier to handle. I took a deep breath and swiped it open.

  We’ll start with the easy stuff first. I had two missed calls from my mom, and one from my sister. I sent them quick messages letting them know I’d call in the morning and that I loved them. I had voicemails from Collin…yeah, wasn’t going there. Now, on to the texts.

  Beau: Did you call Avory? Or Crue?

  Beau: I’m guessing since you aren’t returning my texts, that’s a no.

  Beau: Are you alive? Were you really kidnapped? I’m starting to worry about you. Answer me, or I’m coming up there to hunt you down.

  Luckily, his last one had come through only a few minutes ago.

  Evie: Here, alive and well. Sorry, haven’t had a chance to call Crue or Avory yet, but I will. Promise.

  I pressed send and then moved on down the list.

  Maykin: Thanks for telling me about Bleu. I love the shit out of my new tattoo. But, um, he said he’s never worked on you before? He said Nicky did all your work. Is Nicky that hot AF dude that was following you around at the shop the other night?

  Maykin: I went by my studio and you weren’t there. What’s with the constant disappearing act lately?

  Maykin: Ooooooooo are you hooking up with the other hot tattoo guy? You lucky little bitch.

  Maykin: Earth to fucking E. Come up for air and let me know you’re alive. I think we’re all headed to the Truck Yard tonight. We can share a car.

  Maykin: Jesus H Christ. Where are you? I’m about to call Bleu and have him ask his friend if he’s seen you.

  Maykin: Okay. So you ARE with Nick. Damn girl, good for you.

  “Did Bleu call you looking for me a few days ago?” I glanced up from the too-bright screen on my phone, nudging Nicky with my foot.

  He caught it in his hand and put it in his lap. “Yeah. He said Midge was worried about you? I assumed he meant Maykin.” Ollie must have not liked our conversation disturbing her sleep. She hopped down and headed toward the bedroom. “Should I have not told him where you were? I figured since you were planning on
hiding out at her studio it was okay.”

  “No, yeah, it was fine.” I shrugged, stretching my other leg out and resting both my feet in his lap. “Maykin is probably the closest thing to a real friend I have at this point.” Which would have been sad if she wasn’t such a badass. I turned my attention back to my cell, choosing not to focus on how domestic and coupled up it felt to be hanging on the couch with Nicky like this.

  Maykin: Collin is looking for you. He seems pissed.

  Maykin: He’s called me five times, and the girls said he’s been by the Kappa house twice.

  Evie: I crashed out in Nicky’s car before he could drop me at your studio. I’ll be home soon. Sorry about Collin, send him to voicemail and I’ll deal with his bitch ass later.

  I scrolled through Chasity’s texts, basically all nosey AF questions about where I was and letting me know Collin was looking for me. I had several other party invites and questions about the officers’ dinner I was helping throw this upcoming weekend. Ugh. That was gonna suck.

  I took a deep breath and opened Collin’s messages.

  Collin: Hey, princess, let’s meet up for lunch later. I miss you.

  Collin: Where the fuck are you? I went by the house to get you and no one’s seen you since you left for brunch with me on Sunday.

  Collin: Goddamn it Evie. This is getting ridiculous, no one has seen or heard from you in three fucking days.

  Collin: Do you know how pathetic I look calling around asking if anyone’s seen my girlfriend?

  Collin: Whatever, do what you want but your ass better be dressed and ready on Tuesday at 7:00 sharp. We have the officers’ dinner. I’m being honored for fuck’s sake. You’ll be there. Don’t push me on this, princess.

  I had no idea how Collin was going to take it when I broke up with him next week instead of playing our usual sick game. I couldn’t get out of the dinner. I was co-chair. It was a fancy as hell occasion to induct the new officers into our sorority and our brother fraternity, aka the frat Collin was the newly elected president of.