Inevitably (RiffRaff Records Book 8) Page 10

  “Uncle Pax?” I walked through the living room, and then headed into the kitchen to grab us a couple beers. He’d need alcohol for what I was about to tell him. “Where you at?”

  “On the patio.”

  I stepped back through the living room, then out the double doors that led to his backyard where I found him grilling a big ol’ Texas-size steak. “Take this, old man. Can’t have you getting dehydrated standing over that hot grill, you might pass out.” I popped the top of the cold beer before handing it to him.

  “Funny.” He took a deep appreciative pull. “What are you doing here? Your momma said you had plans to go visit your sister at the compound.”

  I texted my mom two hours ago, telling her I was going to visit Katie. Word traveled hella fast in my family. “You say the compound like you’re talking about cult headquarters.”

  “Maybe I am.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  I snorted, buying myself a minute by drinking half my beer in two swallows. “I wanted to talk to you about something before I hit the road.”

  He gasped dramatically. “You’re driving yourself? The spoiled Kasen Cadence is driving himself four hours? I thought for sure you’d charter a plane.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m slumming it with the mere mortals on I-ten today.” I wasn’t that spoiled. I was simply accustomed to flying everywhere I went. When you get used to having someone else charter you around, the idea of fighting traffic sounds particularly awful.

  “What’s on your mind?” He flipped his steak, taking another sip of his beer.

  I took a beat, a few seconds to live in a world where my family didn’t know that I was going to be a father. Once I told Uncle Pax, all this would be real. It was one thing for Ems’s family to know, but it felt different telling mine. Letting mine in on the secret meant that I couldn’t hide from it, and I couldn’t wish it away. I’d have to own it.

  “I knocked up Emmie James.”

  He spit beer out over the hot coals, making everything start to sizzle and smoke. “You put a baby in their baby? Didn’t I specifically tell you not to do that? Like those actual words?”

  “Yeah. I’m defiant like that.” I finished my beer and tossed the empty into the trash. “Obviously it was an accident.” Not a mistake, because we were adults who made a choice. Right?

  “She keeping it?”

  “Yep.” I popped the p. “She told me it was up to me whether I wanted to be in their lives. No pressure, and no hard feelings if I chose to bow out on the dad life.”

  “Wow. I figured a young thing like her would be trying to drag you in, scared to go at it alone.”

  “Quite the opposite. Apparently her family had to talk her into telling me at all.”

  “Her family knows?” He let out a low whistle. “And you’re still alive?”

  “Her cousins know. Her parents do not.” I took the tongs from his hand, pulling his steak off the fire and onto the waiting platter. Apparently this discussion was distracting him from cooking his dinner. Uncle Pax hated a well-done slab of prime beef. “Smith James has no clue I banged his daughter. And really, all of this might end up being a moot point because he might kill me before she can give birth.”

  Oh wow. Birth. Yeah, I guess the baby would need to come out at some point, right? Why did every step of this ordeal shock the hell out of me? Poor Ems. I got a night of tight pussy; she was getting nine months of pregnancy and then she had to get it out.

  “That, or Smith will hog-tie you and make you marry her.” He drank more of his beer and then sat in one of the patio chairs. “Tell me what’s on your heart, kid.”

  This was what I needed. I needed to tell my uncle how I was feeling. I needed someone to hear me, to understand what I was going through. Someone who wasn’t already team Emmie and calling me an asshole to my face every chance they got.

  “When she told me, I reacted terribly. And I’ve basically spent the last couple weeks trying to repair the damage I did.” I put the lid down on the grill, then took the seat on the other side, wishing I wasn’t about to drive and could have another five beers with my uncle. “I don’t know that I want to be a dad, like an active there-for-little-league dad.”

  “Biologically, you don’t have a choice. And if she wanted to, she could force your hand down the road. Or rake your ass over the coals for money.”

  I waved away his concern. “She has her own money. She doesn’t need anything from me.”

  “Just playing the devil’s advocate here.”

  I grinned, unable to pass the setup he’d given me. “Playing with something that belonged to the Devils’ is what got me into this mess.”

  “Glad you got jokes. It’s good to keep the humor while you’re on your deathbed.” He smiled humorlessly, finishing his beer.

  I had jokes, but I also had decisions to make.

  “I was texting with Emmie the other day, and I realized, I’m always going to be in this kid’s life whether I want to be or not. Dad’s still under the RiffRaff Record label and Katie and Cash getting hitched shoved us all together. Hell, we were there for Thanksgiving.” Thank goodness I was out of the country for Christmas and New Year. “If I’m not in it with her, I’ll be there watching her raise this baby without me for the next eighteen years.”

  Uncle Pax crossed his arms over his chest, kicking his legs straight in front of him. “And how does that make you feel?”

  He was like my therapist, if my therapist was the Big Lebowski. But how did that make me feel? I’d lain awake thinking about the next ten years of my life, and what I wanted that to look like. But every time I tried to picture me watching Ems and our kid opening Christmas presents, celebrating birthdays, while I sat at a distance with a polite smile on my face, it didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel right.

  “Like a deadbeat asshole.”

  He nodded. “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “You’re not a child, Kase. You’ve been traveling the world on your own since the day you graduated high school. You’ve seen everything there is to see: the good, the bad, and the ugly. You’ve made a name for yourself, independent of who your father is. Hiding from your responsibilities would be a big step down for that fuck-boy soul of yours.”

  I chuckled humorlessly. “Karma? Really?”

  “What goes around comes around, kid. It’s time to man up. You don’t have to be in love with Emmie to be a good man, a good dad.” He clapped me on the back, getting to his feet and picking up his dinner.

  I wouldn’t be okay watching Emmie raise our child without me. Thinking about it had made me feel like the worst sort of person. She may not need me, but my kid would. That tiny baby deserved the best of both of us. We’d created it together, and we’d raise it together. Uncle Pax was right. We didn’t need to be in love with each other.

  Only in love with our kid.

  I blew out a deep breath. “I’m going to be a dad.”

  “You’re going to be a dad.” Uncle Pax opened the patio door.

  “Holy fuck.”

  He walked into the house, calling over his shoulder, “Yeah, holy fuck.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Kasen

  I left Uncle Pax’s house and drove straight through to my sister’s. Lucky for me, neither she nor Cash were home at the moment. I couldn’t deal with her disappointed smiles or Cash’s asshole comments. I’d made up my mind, and the only person I needed to talk to right now was Ems.

  Kasen: I’m here, at Katie’s.

  Emmie: Okay.

  Kasen: Can I see you? Please?

  Emmie: All the ’rents are off the compound, some “parents only” nostalgic trip to Florida.

  Kasen: So…I can come over?

  Emmie: Door’s unlocked.

  Kasen: Leaving now.

  I left my bags where I’d dropped them and headed back out. I knew driving wouldn’t be the smartest move. All I needed was to alert the whole fucking compound that Ems and I were alone at her house. They’d all sh
it a brick getting the wrong idea.

  I was excited to see her, excited and nervous. I wasn’t sure how she would take what I had to tell her. I didn’t know if she’d be happy. I hoped she would be though. I hoped that this was a good thing, for both of us. I never wanted to make her life harder. I never wanted to hurt her. She was kind and pure and I’d fucked everything up for her. She deserved so much more than being knocked up by a guy like me.

  Emmie James deserved hearts and flowers and romantic dinners. She deserved to be someone’s whole fucking world, to be worshipped for being exactly who she was. And I couldn’t give her that. But I could sure as fuck hang out with our kid while she tried to find it.

  I locked her front door behind me after I walked in. The compound was secure. I wasn’t worried about monsters or burglars. I was worried about her overprotective cousins poking their noses where they didn’t need to be. “Hey,” I called. Ems was sitting on the couch, cuddled up under a blanket with a glass coffee mug in her hand. “How are you?”

  She smiled when she saw me, which made me hopeful that at least she’d stop calling me an asshole all the time. “Exhausted.”

  I’d never tell her she looked exhausted, but she did. She had dark circles under her eyes and she seemed half asleep at eight o’clock.

  “You still training six hours a day?”

  “Yeah.” She sat up, putting her drink on the table beside her. “If I stop rehearsals, my parents will find out, and they’ll start asking questions.”

  The blanket she’d been covered with had pooled in her lap. “Not showing yet?” She was wearing tight black leggings and a t-shirt that was cut off at her rib cage, like she’d come home from rehearsals and immediately collapsed on the sofa.

  “Nope.” She put her palm on her flat stomach. “Not showing, not ready to tell them.”

  “But everything is okay? With the baby?” I would also never tell her to stop training, but it seemed to be taking its toll on her body.

  “Healthy and growing.” She handed me her cell, showing me a short video of her last ultrasound. “My stomach muscles are tight, the doctor said it’ll take a few more weeks for it to pop out.”

  I watched the video twice, smiling at the tiny little nugget floating on the screen, before handing her phone back. “Can we talk?”

  “Talk.” She gestured to the empty room before putting her hands back under the knit blanket and pulling it up to her chin.

  “I want to be a dad.”

  Emmie’s jaw dropped open a few inches, her big blue eyes blinking rapidly. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I’m sure. I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few weeks. We’re always going to be in each other’s lives and—”

  “That doesn’t mean you want to be this kid’s dad, Kasen.” Her eyes stopped blinking all cartoony and instead narrowed like she wanted to shoot lasers out of them.

  “Wait, let me finish, please.” She nodded still with squinty eyes and I continued, “I realized that I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I wouldn’t be able to watch you be a mom to this kid while I stood by and got to play a fun uncle part or something.”

  She pursed her lips. “I was thinking, like, fun but distant family friend.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Out of sight, out of mind? Maybe I would have made a different choice. But these were the cards we were dealt, and I’m here for it. I want to be here for it, if you’ll have me.”

  “If I’ll have you?”

  I put my hand on her knee over the blanket, a little surprised when she didn’t swat it away. “I acted like a dick. But that’s not who I am, you know that.”

  “You were gone when I woke up.”

  “And I told you I would be.”

  I’d told her from the beginning that it was one night and that I would most likely be on a plane by the time she woke up. I made sure that she understood that. I double-and triple-checked that she wasn’t expecting any more than what I was offering. So I wouldn’t apologize, not for that.

  “You going to be gone one morning when this kid wakes up?”

  “That’s not fair.” I shook my head, removing my hand from her leg. “I never lied to you, Ems.”

  She sighed. “You’re right, you didn’t. I’m sorry.”

  “I didn’t make this decision lightly.” I reached for her hands, needing her to see the sincerity in what I was saying. “And I’m not going anywhere. I mean, other than traveling for work and stuff. But otherwise, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Okay, then, I guess we’re doing this. Together. Sort of.”

  “We’re doing this. We’re having a baby.” Saying it out loud was as weird as I thought it would be. Would I ever get used to this shit? Maybe I should practice in the mirror or something. I’m having a baby. We’re having a baby. I’m going to be a father. If I said it enough times, maybe I would stop wanting to tag holy fucking shit along at the end.

  Ems nodded, licking her lips then dragging her teeth over her bottom one. It was sexy. Everything she did was sexy. I pushed that shit down to the depths of my soul though. I wouldn’t fuck this up. Well, I wouldn’t let my cock fuck this up.

  “How long are you in town this time?”

  “Couple weeks.” I took my cell out of my back pocket, checking my work calendar. “I’m in Italy next month.” I pulled up her contact, sharing my schedule with her. “I sent you the link, that way you’ll at least know which country I’m in.”

  “Maybe we could tell my parents before you leave? I’ll be eighteen weeks soon, and honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can train the way I am.”

  The thought of telling Smith James that I’d gotten his daughter pregnant was utterly terrifying. That was a conversation no guy ever wanted to have with a chick’s father. But I’d man up. I’d be there for Ems and I’d be there for my kid.

  Starting right this second.

  “To be honest, I’d rather you stop training now.” When she opened her mouth, to most likely hand me my ass for trying to tell her what she should and shouldn’t do with her body, I held my palm up. “I’m not here to tell you what to do, obviously. But if you’re going to stop soon anyway, why put yourself through any more than you already have?”

  “If I stop training now, my parents will find out in a matter of days.” She winced. “Which means you’ll be here for the duration of their wrath.”

  So not only would I be telling Smith I banged his daughter, I’d be sleeping within shotgun range. This kid better know that I put my life on the line to make sure its mom stayed healthy.

  “That’s okay.”

  “Really?” Her blue eyes narrowed again, the way they seemed to do every time she didn’t fully believe what I was saying. “You aren’t going to tuck tail and run? You’re going to stand next to me, look my dad in the eye, and tell him you got me pregnant? And then stay for another week so he can torture you?”

  “Yes.” I nodded gravely. “I’ll consider it my first selfless parenting act.”

  She snorted, rolling her eyes.

  “Look. I know that the guy you hooked up with at the wedding and the guy sitting next to you right now seem like two different people. But they’re both me. I can be a player, and a selfish bastard. But I can also be a nice guy, a loving brother, and a caring son. All I’m asking for is a chance to prove to you that I can be a good dad too.” A chance to prove it to her, and a chance to prove it to myself. I’d made my choice, and I planned on giving it my all.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yes. I’ll stop training, and we’ll tell my parents together.” She threw off her blanket like she was suddenly burning up. “You can be in the baby’s life. And we can work toward being…co-parents.”

  “How ’bout friends and co-parents?” I shrugged. “Seems like us at least enjoying each other’s company would go a long way in giving this kid a kickass life.”

  “Friends and co-parents.” Emmie held her pinkie out, nodding once when I hooked mi
ne around it. “It’s a deal.”

  I’d never pinkie promised on a friendship before, but then again, I’d never gotten an eighteen-year-old ballerina pregnant.

  “Can I, like, talk to the baby? Can it hear me yet?” I’d also never talked to someone’s stomach before either. But this was my life now. I might as well start living it.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t had time to read any of those pregnancy books. By the time I get home from rehearsal, I’m too tired. And on my days off, I have to do all my homework. I’m like a walking, talking, knocked-up zombie.” She put her hand low on her stomach. “But you can talk to it all you want. I do.”

  “You do?” I wasn’t entirely sure why, but that made me smile, thinking of Emmie sitting alone talking to our kid.

  “Yeah.” She leaned back against the pillow, cradling her head on her arm like she was seconds away from passing out. “I talk to it. I turn on classical music while I study, and then hard-core rock for balance. We want a well-rounded kid, right?”

  I laughed, climbing off the couch and getting on my knees in front of Emmie. “Can you like close your eyes or something? It feels weird talking to my unborn child with its mother listening.”

  She smiled a sweet, sleepy smile, her exhaustion seeming to make her guard fall. “If I close my eyes, I’ll fall asleep.”

  “It’s okay. You sleep. I’ll watch the baby.”

  Emmie and I stared at each other, both seemingly happy with this new truce that had settled between us. I was going to be a dad, and if I could keep making my kid’s mom smile like that, then we were going to be okay.

  She lifted her shirt, tucking it into her sports bra and closing her eyes. “Good night, Kase.”

  “’Night, Ems.”

  I reached out, slowly putting my hand flat on her stomach. It was the first time I’d really touched her since the night we’d created the baby I was now trying to gather the courage to talk to. Her skin was smooth, her muscles tight. I spoked quietly, embarrassed and not wanting to wake Emmie. “Hey, kid. I’m, uh, your dad.” I let out a soft sigh, the weight in my words not lost on me. “I know it took me a couple months, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. So. Try not to be too hard on me when you come out, okay?”